Those nuclear missiles the crazy dictator in North Korea keeps firing off don’t scare me nearly as much as snakes do. Just thinking about snakes runs chills down my spine.
It’s hard to even write the word snake when you’re as afraid of them as I am, but there are things going on in the snake world that we need to be thinking about.
A fellow in Texas got arrested and fined the other day for killing a timber rattler. It was in the newspaper. I thought he should have gotten a medal or a reward but not a fine.
But those particular snakes are apparently protected by state or federal laws because they are an endangered species. There has been talk in our state recently about expanding laws to protect pine snakes.
I understand that the Good Lord had a plan for snakes when He put them here. They help balance the ecosystem and all that by eating rodents and other things that could get out of control.
God also gave people two eyes. One of them is to watch out for snakes, and the other is to see everything else.
Snake experts tell us that most of them are harmless. They have charts and pamphlets showing the difference in shapes, colors and patterns on good snakes and bad snakes.
My concern is that you could be swelling up and turning blue from the snake bite you got while browsing through a manual trying to figure out if the snake was dangerous.
The late newspaper columnist Lewis Grizzard had a theory on identifying snakes that I adopted a long time ago. He said, “There is only one kind of snake. The dreaded copper headed water rattler.”
Country comedian Jerry Clower said he went to a church once not knowing they did snake handling. When the preacher dropped a snake on the floor, Clower asked where the back door was. He was told they didn’t have one. “I wonder where they want one?” he asked.
Snake bites are increasing across the country according to the national Association of Poison Control Centers. They are up by 10 percent from last year. In Texas, there were 415 snake bites in May and June.
That is 27 percent more than for the same time period five years ago. The number might have been higher if that man had not been willing to kill the rattler and pay the fine.
I have had some terrifying encounters with snakes. One night right after Regina and I married, I was going to the bathroom and nearly stepped on a snake in the hall.
My squeals woke her up. She said she could take care of it but not with me standing on her in the bed. When I let her up, she killed it with a broom and went back to sleep.
In that same house, our daughter Natalie threw her luggage in a corner one night after returning from a week at summer camp. When she was unpacking the next morning, a snake crawled out of her backpack. We put the house up for sale.
Lum Ellis and I were frog hunting one night. He was holding the frog grabs on a long pole while I picked up a frog with my hands. The pole knocked a snake down from a tree limb and into the boat.
We both dived out, scrambled to the bank and gave the boat to the snake. We got back in it a good while later when the snake crawled out and swam away.
My dad and I use to wade into the mill ponds chest deep to fish for bream. We tied tow sacks around our waist to hold the fish. When we quit fishing one day, he eased up to me, grabbed the tail of a snake hanging from my tow sack and hurled it into the water.
The snake was halfway into the burlap bag trying to get to a fish. After that, I didn’t get a tow sack. He took fish off his hook and mine and put them in the bag around his waist.
A North Carolina herpetologist who was analyzing the increase in snake bites said the best way for people to deal with the problem is to just leave snakes alone.
I hate it when my grandkids say “Duh,” but the only logical response to that snake expert is Duh.
REPRINTED FROM THE NATCHITOCHES TIMES